if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
