I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
