erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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