You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize