Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
