I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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