So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
