i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
