Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
