if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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