fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
