Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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