she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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