There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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