How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
