Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I just sharted jello shots
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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