I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
