you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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