I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
