I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
