I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
