Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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