Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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