High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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