By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
