so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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