He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i've created a new STD.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
