Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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