Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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