3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
