Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Acid is not a monday night drug
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
