I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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