Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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