how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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