2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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