If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
