I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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