and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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