Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
