You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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