Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
