she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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