What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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