got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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