I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize