I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
