mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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