All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
