It's a beautiful day for a hangover
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
