Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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