just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
