How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
