Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sponge bath it is.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
