dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
