my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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