its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
