i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
