so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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