so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
