I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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