The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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