Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize