I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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