i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
