the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
