Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
