I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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