Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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