Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
