Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
