I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
