I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We had to coat check the pizza.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
