okay pat passed out under dana's car
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
