I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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